Attracting the Right Partner
Perfect partners don’t appear out of thin air.
I would be lying if I told you I had a tried-and-true formula for how to fix or change yourself so that you could manifest the perfect partner. No such formula exists. But certain universal truths can take you from a victim mentality to an attitude of gratitude and abundance while playing the dating game.
Universal truth number 1 is that the world is your reflection, so it starts with you if you want to manifest the man or woman of your dreams. I honestly wouldn’t have thought my wife was the type of woman I would end up with. We were from different ethnic backgrounds, cultures, and education. As a result, I was always freaking out about what was wrong with her and spent way less time looking at my projections and what was wrong with me.
Yet, something inside my gut told me to get those stories out of my head and go for it. For me, that was the most important voice to hear.
My point is not to always look past red flags but to work on yourself and the glasses you use to perceive the world. Don’t always make everything about how the other person needs to change or how they are not enough.
Be discerning but anticipate the possibilities.
If you show up on a date full of possibilities, possibilities will present, and then you can trust your gut and your ability to say, “no thank you” or to back away if you need to. Or, if you can’t trust your gut or form appropriate boundaries, we can work on that and get you the resources you need to make a habit of saying no when you mean no. Sometimes saying no allows you to say yes.
Online dating, apps, and hookup culture are one big juggernaut of matrix energy that is incredibly difficult to weed through. It is important to make sure that you bring your sense of personal responsibility, integrity, authenticity, and joy when you are walking through that fire, so you don’t become a robot yourself.
Finding the right partner is not easy. I broke up with my wife ten times before settling down with her. I left her for a boring upper-middle-class lawyer because I thought it would please my mom. It can be incredibly confusing to figure out what’s true for you as opposed to what was true for your parents.
There is no quick fix for romantic problems. I needed 12-step groups, The Artists Way, and Couples Therapy to go from a drama-filled, crazy-making relationship to one I can say without reservation is one of the healthiest and happiest that I know. But the common denominator was always me. That’s where we will put the attention when it comes to helping you attract the right partner.
When you bring an attitude of gratitude, raise your vibration, and are willing to put on a new pair of glasses every day, you will see how people seek you instead of you always Desperately Seeking Susan. That change may take a while, or it may happen fast. It will happen if you work on yourself.
Your family dynamics influence who you attract.
The second universal truth is that you will manifest a partner or partners who remind you of your primary caregivers, usually your opposite-sex parent. That’s how the psyche works, which means you must surrender to the best available options amongst anxious, demanding, complaining, and blaming people – or really just however your mom was. This choice does not mean you have to eat shit for the rest of your life; it means you can reparent yourself when the other person starts acting out, and by responding instead of reacting, you can allow yourself to heal.
– Harville Hendrix
Maybe you learn to communicate from a place of responsiveness instead of trying to save or fix; or perhaps you learn to advocate for your need for space like you never could as a child. The point is to recognize that you won’t be attracted to people unless they share some things in common with those primary caregivers.
We can make a conscious effort and go for the best available people who fit that category – and then have a wonderful life and see where that takes us. Or we can be victims to women or men “who are impossible” and “never understand” us.
The choice is always ours at any given moment.
Being a jerk makes finding the right partner harder.
The third universal truth is that when you stop acting like an asshole, the world opens up. Even if you must disappoint people, you can do it with integrity.
Even when you need to be uncompromisingly direct, you don’t have to act out your unprocessed rage. When you lead from the heart and communicate from a place of wholeness (which is something we can work on), the world becomes full of possibility. Then it’s only a matter of time before the right person comes into your life.
We can help you find the tools to communicate, manifest, and take responsibility like a boss. Or if nothing changes, nothing changes. The first option is better. I would love to help you be less of an asshole and more of a conscious parent to yourself and others.